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10/10/2011 / melgardener

I am such a liar

Tonight I am feeling past it…just completely over my life. All the thanks I had last Thursday? Gone, disappeared, taken a vacation, left the building.

As I sat at our kitchen counter and hoovered my dinner (in the 5 available minutes between completing myriad tasks) my children put on a show. It involved dancing (of course), singing and some drama (both as part of the performance and as a natural conclusion to my two girls trying to co-operate on a single task).

All I can tell you is that the performance had something to do with a jungle, a bad guy and some sort of finale. Truly…I just didn’t pay attention. When asked, later, “Mum, what was your favourite part?” I made something up. My eyes may have been rotated towards the action, but my brain was most definitely elsewhere.

There, I admit it. I had paid absolutely no attention to the performance whatsoever. If there was a message, it had passed me by like some sort of ship in the night, forever lost to the gloom. Instead, I ruminated on my ever-growing to-do list and tried to make a priority list of necessary tasks.

Which, of course, is a completely frutiless task since every item on my to-do list is a “do now” item.

But, back to my main theme, which is how comfortable I am in the lies I have told to my children. I have professed to enjoyed their performance, have even claimed to have “loved it”. I have waxed lyrical about their abilities as actors/singers/dancers, all the while not having watched one minute of said activity.

Do I feel guilty?

Actually, no. And this is a new thing for me. Previously, an oversight such as this would have me grovelling in the mummy guilt for eternity. But not tonight. Don’t quite know what has brought on this new freedom (which is sure to be as fleeting as it has been brief). I’m sure the glass-and-a-half of full cream milk (ahem…I mean wine) helped.

What I’ve realised is that, now that I’m home more, I don’t have to be switched on 100% of the time. I don’t have to put their needs first every single time. I can allow myself some of that headspace that I so desperately need in order to cope with the numerous balls I’m currently juggling.

And, as long as I’m talking the talk, maybe (just this time) I’ll give myself time off for good behaviour and not require myself to walk the walk as well.

How do you cope with your kids demands?


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